Go on then, tell us what's on your mind...
We might even respond next year, if you're lucky.
Updated completely irregularly!

'Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la laaa,
La la la l-arse.

G'day Mate,
I'm writing to complain. Do you know how lucky you are to live in England?? Here down under in Australia, we get jerked around all the time. With magazines, for example. In Australia there is one N64 magazine. In England there are thousands. We get English magazines about one and a half months after they are meant to come out, so they preview a game that is already out. Anyway. Just complaining. I am a vivid lover of all your games - in fact I have all of them (except Blast Corps, that's crap) and I think you need a congrats. Well done. Now I have a question. Are you lying about the "All Bond" cheat for Goldeneye? I reckon you are. I'm one of those poor saps that has finally completed Goldeneye, but has one space left on his cheat list. What's doin'? I have also finished Diddy Kong, Banjo (apart from stupid old Mumbo) and all my other ten games. I feel that a bit of leeway should be given to us disadvantaged Rare lovers living in Australia. Ever since the days when I saved all my pennys and went and bought a Sega Master System II, I have been a lover for consoles. But I feel the Nintendo has let me down with a lot of sh*****t games such as Clay Fighter, Ice Hockey Golf, etc. Please. You should know the capabilities of the N64. Please, make my expensive purchase a worthwile one.

You completely lost me about two thirds of the way through the letter. What was it you wanted us to do, exactly?
Sorry about the cack mag situation, but we haven't really got "thousands" over here either (I make it more like four or five) - and I can't say I've ever heard of
Ice Hockey Golf, but it sounds brilliant. Surprising nobody thought of it sooner. As for the All Bonds code, much as I'd love to tell you some stupid lie about how to access it and then immediately resign, it's probably easier in the long run just to shake my head wearily and reiterate: it was taken out because we didn't really fancy getting our arses sued off.

Dear Mr. Scribe,
While I must admit that TipTup is a groovy driver, and that he is the best turtle I have ever seen, he doesn't deserve his own game. Why? Because we'd have to listen to his Mr. Bean-style "AAARGH" every time he gets hit. And when he runs he looks like a plonker as well.
It is obvious that Mumbo Jumbo isn't a Jinjo (backed up by earlier arguments) or a Kremling (how would a crocodile fit its snout in that mask) but is in fact a clever design of wireframe computer graphics with interesting textures laid over the top, and a little story to go behind him. There you go.
AND this is coming from someone who takes game stories far too seriously. For instance...
If Mario fought Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong became Cranky Kong, Cranky Kong lives with the new Donkey Kong, Donkey is buds with Diddy, Diddy races with Conker and Banjo, does this mean that Mario and Banjo come from the same world? See what I mean about too serious.
And that's it.
Super Markio
PS. Arse is a great word. Up with arse (hehehe). And you should use the word 'figgin' more often. And 'plum' and other words that mean nothing to people outside of this nutty country that we come from. Bwahaha. Flan, Monkey, Cheese (the best word) Green!!!!

'Figgin' is hopelessly outdated, and 'plum' is only really effective in plural form. Arse, however, is timeless, and operates without a hitch in any form or tense you'd care to name.
Who's to say Mario or Banjo (or even Cranky, or one of the others) didn't unwittingly fall through a dimensional rift at some point in the past? There's no guarantees in the world of videogames - especially when all the characters and places are totally fabricated in the first place, you strange boy.

Oh look! Feedback on all that date-writing malarkey...

Dear Scribes,
In reference to your confusion regarding the American numerical date format (12/1/98), I offer this simple exercise to clarify the situation:
Say "December 1st, 1998." Say it out loud. Get a feel for it.
Now try "The 1st of December, 1998." Give it a few tries.
One of these phrases sounds right and natural, doesn't it? It rolls off the tongue. The other is stilted and weird.
Now write both of these phrases in a purely numerical format. Look at that! The preferred phraseology matches the American numerical format precisely! Just another example of Yankee ingenuity from the plucky ex-colonials who brought you the microchip, the atomic bomb, and spam (both kinds).
Umm ... Err ... The Sparkling Witty Nom de Guerre Guy

Dear Scribes,
I'll have to agree with you Leigh on the date order writing debate. It makes no sense to me to write the month, day, year in that order. I've always been writing it starting with the day. Furthermore, in French (my first language), we write the full date this way: 2 décembre 1998. So it makes even more sense to me to write it starting with the day.

"Lawl. Hillo scriberz."
Uh, as for the date order thing, I believe it has to do with the way the dates come out verbally. Well, in English, people say, for example, "August 15, 1998" verbally, so it makes sense to put it in the m/d/y, the same order, right? Then in other languages, say, Spanish, they say "Uno de noviembre" ... different order there. Heh. I think the same applies to about every other European language. I guess the Brits put it in that order for the sake of consistency. With the rest of Europe. C'mon, they caved in on the metric system, they did this, too. Right? Right? On the other hand, Americans like myself are waaaay to stubborn to accept anything weird and scary like a new measurement or date ordering system. Hehe... I'm ever so smart.
- S-U-P-E-R CodeGuy Ty

I suppose the verbally-ordered argument does have something going for it. Bah. If I wasn't so dim I might have thought of that myself. Then again, the d/m/y arrangement is used verbally in some places as well (I use 'em both, myself), so I still think that makes more sense in general - but then of course I'm appallingly biased. Let's start a more interesting discussion before we get sociologists and stuff writing in. Any suggestions? The only one I've got is about Bagpuss, and that'd be lost on 98% of you.

I don't think Small Gods was uncharacteristically lethargic, as all of the books by Terry Pratchett which I own are just as lethargic as each other, they just sit around my flat all day, I can't induce them to do anything.
Plus, the whole Aeschylus thing was just a ruse to sell BS-conforming crash helmets to balding, old-world poets with one hand.
PS - How can I turn the gore on in Word Perfect?

Surely you've noticed The Colour of Magic's tendency to fall down stairs and trip over while carrying big cakes?
I don't think setting up the turtle scam would have worked all that well - I mean, if it had happened to someone else first, I bet Aeschylus would have told the crash helmet salesmen he wasn't about to let anything so stupid happen to him...
(PS If the gore doesn't come up automatically, you must have got a faulty version.)

Dear Scribes,
My two children are driving me crazy over this question: WHAT IS THE *&#X@~F) NAME OF THE STUPID PINK SQUIRREL SLEEPING WITH NABNUT IN THE WINTER PART OF CLICK CLOCK WOODS IN BK?!! I know where you live. Answer this question or I will put my kids on the next flight to ask you in person. You won't like what you look like with gray hair, not to mention how ridiculous you will look wearing a straight jacket to your inane company Christmas party. So answer it or suffer the consequences.
Amber Ferguson

If only you'd been at our Xmas party, you'd have seen how ridiculous we all looked. But I'll ask the team anyway...
"It's obvious that she's Mrs. Nabnut! Alternatively, to calm your kids down, tell 'em that she's called Nibblenut or something else with 'nut' on the end."

Alright Mr. Scribes,
I'm not sure how you're gonna handle this but I'm onto your little conspricy <---(spelling). Your whole Scribes section is a sham! No one can send in letters that interesting. It appears each and every letter plays right into your hands, BUT THAT'S NOT RIGHT! So my only conclusion is that you my friend are the lost sole sending in all these letters and then answering yourself. You take it as a personal release. Inside you can't decipher if you love or hate Tip Tup, and chances are Rare wouldn't hand delicate information on DKC64 over to you so you just make it all up. Don't deny it! REPENT! Turn from your evil ways! Using our life energy to tame your inner self is not morally right! It just ain't!
If you feel it's time to release the truth then print this for the whole gaming world to see, you oaf!

Oaf, am I? That stings. Anyway, for your theory to hold true I'd also have to be responsible for this letter, and I'd rather shoot myself in the face than be seen to spell 'soul' as 'sole' in front of thousands of people.
It's true about the delicate information, though. Nobody tells me anything. So stop asking for PD movies and DKC64 screenshots, you heartless sods.

So yeah.
You guys are pretty good at games, I reckon. Surely you must be tempted into expansion into new areas. Churn out 1 top quality RPG per year, and you would make most N64 lovers happy for a very long time. I am about to finish Zelda64, and like everyone else that has had the good fortune to play it, I am amazed.
It really is head and shoulders above everything else on the system, would you not agree? I know you guys have got your Goldeneyes, DKR's and Banjo Kazooies, and very nice they are too. But cmon! This game, it must scare the living daylights (do I need a Bond license to say that) out of all other developers on the machine (yourselves included, deep down in places you don't want to talk about at parties.......!).
How can it be topped? Now I know you've got PD in the works and DK64 or whatever it's called (tell the truth, you haven't even started it yet, have you?!), along with JFG and Conker 12 Tales or whatever it's called (I've read its JFG in disguise btw, an internet rumour perhaps?) but ZELDA64?!!!! I reckon you lot should play it, finish it, then close Rare down, move to Wales and take up sheep shearing, along with everyone else developing on N64........
Oh, before I go......how long (approx.) do you think it's going to take to finish JFG with all secrets and everything? Thanks very much.....
The Youth

Are you having a pop at the Welsh, pal? I'll take you all on.
RPGs: Unless we put absolutely everyone in the company on it, I doubt it'd be possible to get a 'top quality' RPG together in just one year.
Zelda: Of course it's good. What did you expect? Certainly a benchmark if we ever do release an RPG. JFG: I'd ask the designer, but he's gone home for Christmas. I know he intends to get plenty of use out of each and every level, though...

Dear Scribes,
I have written you Englishmen before and you changed my "Dear Scribes" to "Dear Uncle Tusk" and sent it to the barbarian's letters page. I know I should have sent it to Tusk in the first place since it was a letter about getting help on DKR. (Yes? And? - Ed.)
I am Jason W. and the point of this letter (if you would consider it a point) is to let and Eric Rosenlund know that I am agreeing with Rare in the Tip Tup debate. In some letters about Tip Tup I'm getting the impression that some people think that he is the second fastest racer to Pipsi. I would like to clarify that acceleration is how fast you pick up speed, not how fast you go. I have to admit I used to think so too! Since Mr. Rosenlund has written you at least twice, I know he will be reading this. I am annoyed at him for obvious reasons but just to make sure everybody knows what I'm talking about is because he started the load of letters about Tip Tup being so cool. I am going to hit Tip Tup with that stupid remote control (the sharp end of course) of his, which he talked about in both of his letters!
Also, Sir Slush 2 sends in letters that could not be more annoying (except for this one of course.) For example, Mumbo Jumbo being a Kremling is even more ridiculous than being a Jinjo! I'm not supporting the Jinjo rumor one bit, but a Kremling?! I don't think so!
Oh, and another thing. I hope this doesn't start another crazy debate like the Tip Tup one, but you should make a game about Mumbo Jumbo where he is out to rescue Banjo and Kazooie or something. Since Mumbo has magic, there would be lots of awesome moves to learn. See, at least I have a GOOD reason to want a game about my favourite character that says eeeeeeecum booooooocum. I mean a reason other than HE RUKES!!!!!1!!1!!
And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. THE ENGLISH LESSON!!! Ow, sow youer sayin that wood bee a badd ideea? Me thinq it wood reely edjucait hour reeders! (And boy, do we need that!) Ow wel thenn, me gess u shood saiv that forr Mr. Pants! How about trying to get my letter printed by doing something stupid? You mean the letter is already stupid enough??!!! I didn't use the word arse enough though! OK here goes. Arse! Arse! Arse!! Arse!! Arse!!! Arse!!! Arse!!!! Arse!!!! (Wasn't that lovely?)
Jason W. a.k.a. The DKR Man

Mumbo Jumbo also provides an eloquent discourse on the origin of the species if you enter a secret code into the sandcastle. Go on, write to me asking if it's true. Go on, I dare you.
In what way are you "agreeing with Rare" on the Tiptup debate? We haven't said anything - we just think it's funny to sit back and watch you lot slug it out over the merits of a made-up character...

Dear Scribes,
In the December 1st edition of Scribes, the unthinkable occured. Two people wrote in and sadly bashed Tiptup! A TMNT throwback? Oh please! Tiptup is also not "filler". I'm not saying Tiptup is a god as some people may think I'm trying to say, but he's a great character! If you guys aren't making DKR 2 (as Uncle Tusk mentioned in his latest collection of "stuff"), and Tiptup WON'T be starring in a game of his own, what kind of future is that for this little turtle? He will have a cameo in ONE measly game for 1999 (Donkey Kong Country 64? Please?), but that's not enough! We need Tiptup merchandise, from hats to shirts to talking bean bag critters to nicotine patches....THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITY! He may be a goofy character, but look at Mario! He's even goofier! I've recently gone back and started playing DKR with Tiptup, and let me say, he IS the best character (not to say Diddy isn't, but for the sake of the argument, let's say he IS).
So is Tiptup doomed to be thrown in the Rare death row along with the Battletoads and Killer Instinct fighters? Please don't give him the same fate! I can tell you are not very thrilled at the idea of Tiptup's very own game (whoever YOU may be), but it's what the public wants right now. So what? Two people wrote in and bashed the little guy. They are so far outnumbered. Why, Tiptup WILL get his own game, if I have to move to Twycross, make some fast money gambling in a pub, and buy your company. Tiptup is the future. Tiptup is the hope. Tiptup is the power. Remember that fellow Tiptupians, ALWAYS!

There's only one pub in Twycross, and experience leads me to doubt that it plays home to illegal underground gambling dens. Still, best of luck if you want to give it a try.
The fact that we're not currently working on
DKR2 doesn't mean that DKR's characters won't pop up elsewhere, does it? Don't worry, it's pretty certain that we haven't seen the last of Tiptup yet.
Nintendo are the people who deal with merchandising, though they wouldn't have anything to do with my Blast Corps motion-sensing RDU lava lamp that goes "Woow" and lights up when you walk into the room. I know, I've mentioned that before. I can't help it. It eats at my soul.

Dear Scribes,
On the box for Banjo-Kazooie, Banjo is holding a PURPLE Jinjo! If I'm correct, there are five Jinjos-Yellow, Pink, Blue, Green, and Orange. No Purple. I think we have a stowaway here...
Oh, and another thing, what is this thing with Pipsy's eyelashes? Sometimes they're there, sometimes they aren't. I'm just supposing that she has fake ones and will only wear them inside the game. No matter how hard she tries, she won't be that pretty, but still... Having them is a step in the right direction.
Christie Shepherd

I put this to the B-K designer, who in turn cranked up Rare's trusty Automated Response Selection Equipment (ARSE), which blurted the following:
"The Jinjo is purple because he fell into Grunty's 'All Jinjos Must Be Purple' machine. Banjo rescued him and will scrub him clean at some point (which can't be seen on the box art) so that he can rejoin his normally-coloured friends." There you go. "Either that or the artist is colour blind," it added unnecessarily.
And common speculation has it that Pipsy only uses her eyelashes to attract Tiptup, who she fancies rotten (probably).

Dear Scribes,
I am writing to rebut Ice Cream Man's claim that no one wants PD (Nov 2 Scribes).
Hey, Vanilla Ice, or whatever your name was, What game got the award for Game of the Year at the British Academy of Film and Television Arts? Huh? GOLDENEYE, which I agree is the best game ever. Then you said in your letter and I quote "...But it has the Goldeneye engine right? WRONG! Sure it has the engine..." Let's ponder this, you said "it has the Goldeneye engine right? Wrong! Sure it has the engine." Now there's a paradox.
PD is based on the Greatest game in the world's engine, and you have the nerve to say that no one wants it? How much fun would a TipTup game be where.., and I quote again, "TipTup an agent, side by side with Timber? Out to rescue Diddy or something." What a horrible and despicable idea. Why would anyone want to be a small racing turtle out to save some monkey? PD has potential, your little detective game is dumb. How many more games can the gaming industry make where you try to save a monkey? How many Donkey Kongs were there? (Donkey Diddy TipTup Banjo, Stop with the monkeys) Save the monkey here and save the monkey there. Ahhhh. Use people, like Bond--One of my personal favorites, or some girl named Joanna-- And... How can you compare a game, that is based on the greatest game's engine, {and is the second in the only Spyfi series which Rare started and is taking off like my Dog after you shoot him in the arse (sorry, I just had to include arse)} to a game about a small turtle? Pffffffft.
If Rare went around making games, solely based on a single character of one game, then they would have to make a lot more games. How many people think that Oddjob (or any other character in the Bond game), is cool. Oh here's an Idea Rare, why don't you make a game where Oddjob is an agent next to Bond, and they go around trying to save some monkeys or something?
You said that Rare lost all your Ideas up their ass. Well, that's the only good place for them. I say (along with hordes of other people who liked Goldeneye and want PD) that PD would and will be 10 times better than TipTup 009 the super agent. PD will be great, and will make Rare more money than your little TipTup 009, super hero, agent that saves monkeys. So there Mr. Ice Cream Man. Thanks for your time Rare. Keep up the good work.
John Knight Greer, SC/USA

On seeing this, the GoldenEye/PD designer looked a bit bemused and said "I think people take things too seriously." Nonetheless, your heartfelt defence is appreciated, sir. To rest your worries, bear in mind that we now have enough development teams here to avoid a situation where we're forced to prioritise genres - we can happily work in several at a time, and ultimately satisfy as many people as possible. Like Robin Askwith.

Dear Rareware,
I'm sooooooooooooooooooo sorry. I didn't mean to shout. I'm reeeeeeeeeally soooooooooooooooorry.
That's too bad about the music. I really like it, that's all.
Hey, do you guys mind Americans using your slang? I give you permission to use ours any time you want. I really like arse. And Bloody. Bloody Arse.
Good News!(?) They have me on a 24-hour IV drip of Banjo-Kazooie to get me un-addicted. I tried to go cold-turkey, but the withdrawal syptoms caused me to create horrible artwork of various game characters being tragically mutilated. You'll be getting my medical bills in the mail. (Oops, I forgot to put on the postage).
Hmmm. This letter isn't yet long enough...... oh, I know what I can do........ (Sung to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star")
Shut-up, shut-up, Tiptup Fans.
You should be beat with soda cans.
How can you raise that turtle high?
I'd like to watch him burn and fry.
Shut-up, shut-up Tiptup goons
Why don't you shave a baboon
"Thank you, Thank you, oh I'm not worthy of your applause. Thank you..."
Amanda Schroeder
PS. When can I expect Banjo-Tooie to course through my veins?

I hope your mother's not reading this, with you swearing all over the place like that. (By the way, could you fill us in on any particularly crude slang that we might be interested in?)
There's still no solid release date for Banjo-Tooie, and there probably won't be one until much nearer its heartily generalised target zone of 4th quarter '99. Er, sorry.

Dear perfectly normal people at Rare,
I do so enjoy reading your site and laughing uncontrollably at the lovely hidden messages. It's nice to see that you bag your own characters. I also do enjoy playing your high-quality manufactured games, and have an idea for one.
Do you remember a British comic strip character called 'Mickey the Mouth', who, to my utter surprise, talked rather loudly? I believe that he would make an amusing, if not interesting charater to play a game with. Imagine running around a resturant, going up to a person and saying PASS THE SALT THANKS MATE which is followed by violent earthquakes and other cataclysmic effects. Anyway, take it into consideration.
My absolute favourite game out of your vast library would have to be Banjo-Kazooie. Not for the fantastic gameplay, or the cameo appearance of the great and all-knowing Tiptup, but for another reason. A certain item in Wozza's cave that Kazooie would like to stick somewhere, most likely a keyhole. That's right, it's your favourite item and mine, the spinning polygonal key. Please include this object into future games, as I do so enjoy spinning objects. The jiggies really fascinated me, but nothing thrilled me more than watching the spinning polygonal key completing its vast circluar motion. Once I receive Banjo-Tooie, I will not even pick up the key to unlock secrets: I will leave it in peace, for it to spin forever more.
I know it's a bit much to ask, but in Banjo-Tooie, could you please make all enemies spin constantly? If that is too much to ask, then just a 'Museum of Spinning Objects' would be fine. I would enjoy so seeing more objects spin. Perhaps you could put Mickey the Mouth in the museum and cause him to spin... but I'm babbling. Enjoy your stay in the exciting land of internet connection, where people like me are just a click away.
Ben Kosmina
PS, Please look out for my soon to be released book - 'Spinning Polygonal Keys and How They Affect Society (for the Better)'

Yes, that's right. We always try to include as many spinning objects as possible in our games, being acutely aware of their fundamental importance in society. (Peers out from under table.) Right, I think he's gone now.
And nobody I've asked remembers Mickey The Mouth. Are we all too young, or too old, or just too tightly ensnared in the grip of mainstream culture, or what? Or have you just made it up and I've been making a complete arse of myself by asking people about it?

Ye Great and Revered Scribes,
Exactly what feat of greatness must be performed by Banjo/Kazooie to break the curse on Mumbo Jumbo? It says somewhere (game or manual, most likely manual) that Grunty cursed him for some reason (helping jinjos or whatever) and put that skull (mask?) on his face. Also, the scales could be included if he were a jinjo. Jinjos have magical powers, and what else from that reality could he be, really? I don't think he's a kremling. A pink kremling with partial scales? That would have to be some curse. I think that either he or other jinjos would have acknowledged the poor shaman if he were one, however. Then again, none of the jinjos have displayed an ability to talk (I assumed the messages atop the tower was magical communication, not actual speech, like Obi-Wan saying 'Use the force, Luke!' only less literal). However, Mumbo can talk... perhaps the skull face gives him proper articulatory organs? Whoa, too much thought on this subject. Anyway, since answers to these questions have not seemed to be forthcoming, could you just tell us exactly what revenge we must exact on Grunty to get the good old Mumbo we never knew back? Also, I don't have any problems with TipTup. I like TipTup, he kind of stays in the back and doesn't try to make waves, I don't think he'd be comfortable making his own game. However, I do think he's in prime position to be a 'running joke' (not offensively, it's a documented style of humour) cameo character. He could appear to some extent in every Rare game afterward (other than those like GE or PD, with 'realistic' themes). I think that is the legacy TipTup would like to leave behind. And 'humour' is spelled right, for any American simpletons. Not to imply that all Americans are simple, but a larger population leaves us a bigger pool of dumblings to delve into and stereotype with, eh?
Yours when the Empire allows,
TK421 The underpaid, Canadian stormtrooper

Undaunted by the fact that we've answered this question many times before, I turned to B-K's designer for the latest excuse:
"Oh no! Rumbled! Mumbo's not a Kremling, he's actually Donkey Kong! We were hoping to use the same characters and backgrounds from B-K for
Wonky Donkey Vs. Giddy Diddy In Crazy Kremling Capers 64 (probably not the final name). Damn! That means we're going to have do some work after all.
"In addition, you must remember that Mumbo without his mask would look 'a bit crap' (official artist's opinion), so he'll probably never lose it. Maybe."

Dear Scribes,
OK Rare, although this letter might make you think otherwise, I AM one of your biggest fans, and that's why I have to write this letter of Criticism. After all, it's the real fans who will tell you what you can do to make your games better right?? Anyway, I'm sending this letter on game violence to you because it doesn't really fit into your forum thread. I have a problem with some of your games. I understand that you make your games more or less non-violent so that they are enjoyable for everyone, young and old. But, I see a slight problem with doing things that way. See, anyone who is really into games and visits the web pages and buys the magazines to stay informed will know that Banjo is a top-notch game and go out and get it despite its cute look. But let me present 2 scenarios to you. 1. Mother goes into store with intent of buying a new game for her young child. She looks at Banjo-Kazooie, thinks that would be a fun, non-violent romp of a game, and gets it. They get home and the kid loves the game, at first. See, you make your games so cute that they appeal to the very young, but so challenging that no one that little would be able to beat it!!! So, the mother seeing that her kid is just getting frustrated with the game, is an unhappy customer. Scenario 2. a 20-something guy walks into a game store to get a new game. He likes his games sure, but he never really takes the time to read the magazines to know what's good and what's not. he's more of a casual gamer. So, cruising the aisle, he's looking for a fun, challenging, yet "cool" game. He glances at Banjo, passes it up and gets Turok 2 (a good game too). Now, of course, you and me both know that Banjo is a very good game and I'm totally happy with it, but I know that a large percentage of games fall into one of those 2 categories, And especially for the N64, you're going to see the mother-child thing going on often. In conclusion, why do you make your games so cute that they appeal to the very young but are so hard (for them) that they'll never get very far? Or on the other hand, so cute that it alienates the older casual gamers because they think it would be too simplistic? Anyway, I wish you the best of luck for the future, and no matter how cute they are, WE know they are top-notch games.
Justin Davis
PS. I asked my friends who have a N64 what they thought of Banjo. Most thought it was a gay game, and laughed at me for getting it. I loaned it to them, and they totally changed their mind, and now many are thinking about getting it. So I know this does go on...

The international success of B-K and DKR should be proof enough that most gamers are educated enough to know what to expect from a game - it's only impulse buyers and members of the blindly anti-cute camp who might dismiss them out of hand, and if these people are happy to miss out on hundreds of great games through ignorance or narrow-mindedness, that's their choice, but they're never going to get the most from the videogames market.
While we can understand your concerns, there's little doubt that had B-K been made any easier, the number of angry older gamers left feeling cheated would have far outweighed any far younger players we would have gained from it, who probably enjoyed the game as it currently stands anyway. We don't feel as if we let any age group down with the final version - it's not as if the younger generation were incapable of making
any progress through it. You're probably underestimating just how accomplished the majority of them are...

Dear Scribes,
I was checking out your page the other day and I saw that Goldeneye duck you had posted and thought why don't you guys make a game about a Goldeneye duck, since it's obvious you like to make games about cute and adorable animals. Maybe you could stick a silencer up his butt or something so when he fires eggs they wouldn't make any noise or somthing like that. I don't know, anyway, I just thought I'd give you something to contemplate.
Beefstick the Great

The designer was in the room as I read this one, and he looked quite excited at the prospect of including the Goldeneye duck as a Perfect Dark deathmatch character. Look what you've done. If anything ever comes of this, we all know who to blame.

The Swedish word "arsle" means exactly the same thing as your "arse". I FEEL LIKE I'M CONNECTED TO YOU PEOPLE!
Nilsson, Robert Nilsson

Brilliant! And they've got 'arsch' in Austria as well.

Why can't Grunty die?? That means she'll never die meaning that you'll go on till Banjo-Twohundredie.

Perhaps she'll become a hippy pacifist or something.

Ok, I wanna see a picture of this wise guy editor... Can you post your mug so we can fantasize while reading?

That's a very good argument for me not to post a picture.

I think Perfect Dark should have a 2 player Sainsbury's mode, just to be different.
Iwan Lamble

Joke Police! He's nicking all my crap gags!

I don't know but some dumb ass loser told me that there was an axe in the Dam (1st) level for Goldeneye is that true?
Yair Medini

"Some dumb ass loser". Hmm. Surely you suspect?

Terd or turd? What's the difference?

It's a very subtle and complicated distinction, I'll grant you.

Can Bond urinate on the guard in the Facility level?
Walter Williams

An unforgivable oversight on the programmers' part, I'm afraid.

I'm stuck in my toilet would you mind helping me?

Too late - you must have drowned/starved/asphyxiated by now...

Aaron James Mclean

Are you being metaphorical or just crass and vulgar?

You guys aren't funny.
The Blue Marine

We know. Merry Christmas.

December 1, 1998
November 2, 1998
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