Dear Scribes,
I would like your opinion on a rumor I recently made up, er, I mean heard: Koopa's claim to fame separating
himself from the countless other Koopa Troopas was the role he won the part for in 1992's Super Mario Kart.
Koopa later agreed to change his name to something more original, Magikoopa, which he used in SMW2, SMRPG,
and Tetris 2. Magikoopa was working on the Mario Kart 64 project (there were screen shots of the game
with him included in them) until Nintendo found out that he had already signed a contract with Rare. (Nintendo
then filled his vacancy in the game with Wario.) Meanwhile, Magikoopa agreed to change his name once again
to Tiptup for DKR. So, is it true?
Ed "The Legend" Price; the--legend@juno.com
Tiptup is actually the result of a horrific voodoo curse put on a small Botswanan child
caught thieving pies from Abu the Witch Doctor's Offal Shoppe, while Magikoopa did apply for a part in
DKR but was tragically crushed under the wheels of a tractor on his way to the interview.
Life is full of these brutal little dramas.
Dear Scribes,
I have a question about your site. In forums, there are messages posted
from 1997. How can this be if the site just came up a couple days ago? I
live in the U.S, was it already up in Britain or something? Also, how
come there are no letters here in Scribes? Am I the only one that is
writing to you guys?
Rob
Sorry. We don't really exist, and you're just mental.
...Oh, alright then. The grotty old Forum messages are just the relics of internal site testing
before we went online. Exciting, eh? No, you're right. Sorry.
Dear Scribes,
Well, in par with your example message from idiot@irritating.com, here
is my engaging and intelligent letter to you:
wassssuppp?!!!?//1 cooudld ouyuou sned em sum info'rmachine abowt teh
lendged off zeldaa??1? i no taht u dont mak teh gaem btu sinse u wrok
for nintindo i thowt taht u culd sned me sum kule piks bout teh game.
im lucing forword too ur rsponse.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to this thoughtful and
interesting message.
hireme@inil.com (And, yes, that IS my real e-mail address)
leggned off zleda wil oh;pfeuly beout int tiem fo,r crhistsqmas i ohpe yuowill enojy
palying iit asm uc\h as i haev enojyde wirtnig abuot i]t ina comadey iddeot fashon# tahnnxxx!!1!!!!1!
I think Goldeneye is one of the best game ever made, but it really lacked
blood. Think about it, I shot a Russian with about 50 bullets in the face
with 2 RC P90 and it only looked as if he were blushing. Are you ever going
to make a game that basically resembles Resident Evil? Gamers want to play a
game where you can shoot off someone's head or limbs. When the hell is
Nintendo going to realize we want a game that truly deserves an M rating?
Anyways, I think your games are excellent but lack blood.
NX Phase (NXPhase@aol.com)
Good Lord. You're a bit of a psycho, aren't you? (At least you get to dismember giant
insects in Jet Force Gemini - hopefully that'll keep you off the streets for a while, you nutcase.)
Hey guys...great site! As good as your games!! I must ask if between
web development and game development, when do you guys find the time for
a pint or a quick shag?? I would hope these small recreational tokens
are still on your priority list...
Sincerely,
salukisst@mci2000.com
I'm sorry. Nobody here understands either of those terms. Could you convert them
into C or Assembler?
Dear Scribes,
Answer me this, why have most Nintendo titles got to be fluffy and cutesy, I am one
of the many 30 something's still playing computer and video games and own both a PC
and N64 and would love to see a Resident Evil type game on the N64 format.
While I look foward to both Banjo-Kazooie and Conker's Quest because the quality of
your releases are always very good, I feel sure it's not the type of game I or anybody
my sort of age would choose to play if there was something "more grown up to play".
Antony Grashion (hyundai@globalnet.co.uk)
Eh? Look at our N64 output so far: KI Gold, Blast Corps, GoldenEye and DKR
- hardly a cutesy majority. And you have to understand that while we do appreciate the need for more mature games,
there is a huge market for games that cover all age groups. It sounds like corporate fluff, I know, but look at
it this way: anyone can play DKR or Banjo-Kazooie and still enjoy it, while younger kids would be
hard-pressed to get to grips with GoldenEye - and you don't hear them complaining about it.
Mr. Pants. Keep him. He rukes! (not a typo) You should put him on
the cover page or something, and make him take up the entire browser window
and have a caption underneath that says "click my pants to enter." Of
course.....come to think of it, people might take that the wrong way...
Moop3 (moop3@aol.com)
Don't give me ideas. I'm already hassling people to do a PaRappa-style game
with the stubbornly 2D Mr. Pants flopping all over the place on his hilariously mismatched legs. (It's amazing
how many requests I've had to get rid of Mr. Pants because he's so badly-drawn, you know. Even the most basic
satire seems to be above some people.)
Dear Scribes,
I just want to tell you guy that this is the greatest video game company
web page ever. Unlike some of the other companies, you have realised the
potential of the web.
A suggestion: how about a page explaining some of the mysterious stuff
from Goldeneye, like the briefcase, or the 24th cheat.
When are we gonna see these games: RC-Pro AM 64, Wizards & Warriors 64,
Snake Rattle 'n' Roll 64, and Cobra Triangle 64. Come on everyone loves
Cobra Triangle, imagine a 64-bit version with groovy wet looking water.
And if you don't have the rights to these games, you should damn well
buy them back!
Oh and on the off chance that someone is reading this... I have some
more to say! How about writing your own Instruction Booklets and putting
something interesting in them. Like interviews, or crazy developer hi-jinx.
alexh@ivanhoe.starway.net.au
Blimey. Okay, let's see: a mini trivia/rumour FAQ thing for GoldenEye is in
the pipeline, so watch for that soon. Cobra Triangle 64? You strange man. And we already have started
writing our own instruction booklets, but if we tried to cram in details of all the wacky development pranks
we get up to, well hey, it wouldn't fit in the box, we so damn crazy. Interviews are what The Tepid Seat's been
set up for, so feel free to send your burning questions that way...
Is it just me or are you guys trying to just mess with me??? Do you
alternate from a yellowish font to a white font? Please let me know that
I'm not going (more) insane!!
yanketh@visuallink.com
Changing font colours? What are you talking about?
Why would we want to do that? Have you seen a
doctor lately? Etc.
Dear Scribes,
Riddle me this, riddle me that...
Rare's last couple of N64 releases have been absolutely fantastic, the
perfect mix of fun, frustration and fascination. It surely must take a
gargantuan effort, from many talented people to produce games of such
constantly high quality.
How is it then, that upon reading your new web page, I get the feeling that
any ol' fool or geezer off the street could get a job with you.
If this is the case, I would like a highly paid job as a graphic artist, my
last art teacher said my finger paintings of "a storm, its a big brown
storm, or...or a circle, a messy circle with..." were very good. I even got
a smiley stamp.
Aside from taking the ("mickey" - Ed)
out of myself with my wonderful self
deprecating humor, I would like to thank you for some of the most fun I
have ever had on a console, or computer, or boardgame. Almost as much fun
as Omega Race and Gorf.
Thanks.
Julian Emerson-Elliott, Australia (Thanks for the good word on PAL).
Oh, I suppose I'd better put in the mandatory purple prose...
You guys are the best. I love youse guys. I play all your games. I only
play yourse games corse youse guys are the best. The others are just not,
there just pretenders. You the good guys. You the good guys. Thay no good.
You good. Youse the best. Yeah... ad nauseum.
Er, cheers then. Sorry if we sound that desperate on the Recruitment page, but don't
let it fool you into thinking that a buoyantly enthusiastic and talented games veteran stands exactly the same
chance of getting a job with us as a confused middle-aged pig farmer who tries to make toast in his offspring's
N64 (no offence to middle-aged pig farmers, naturally). Just sending in an application doesn't mean you've got
the job. Your application could, for instance, be crap. But hey! It's definitely worth trying.
And Gorf's not half as good as Phoenix.
Heya..... Rare guy,
Who is that (insert words of discouragement here) who is constantly
using annoying puns?!?!?! Not to offend you, because you guys are like
gods to me, and I would gladly sacrifice my own big fluffy sponge cake
to please you. But seriously, tell that guy, whats-iz-name, to tone
down the puns, please. If you tell me he was pepped up on wacky sauce
or a little too close to the paint thinner I would be less upset, but I
think he is doing it for no reason.
From the little man whose self-esteem will be dramatically lowered
if his e-mail isn't posted by the almighty gods from heaven,
MrUnknown
What's-a matter you? Hey! Gotta no respect? What's wrong with my puns? They're great.
They add spice to an otherwise drab and wearisome publicity write-up, if you ask me. And they take ages to think
up and everything. If you don't like them, you can always go off and, er... have some ham... in, er...
in a pun. Or shoot yourself with a big, er, a big pun. See how that works?
Dear RW,
First, hey!!!! kiler instyint ROX!!!!!1!!. Second, what is Conker's
Quest going to be like: cartoony (a la DKR), sarcastic and wacky (a la
Gex: Enter the Gecko, though I thought it was a tad corny), just plain
fun (a la Mario), or other? And can you hint obscurely at any future
games (not too obscurely)? Third(?), I love every Rare game I've played
and now you have an awesome webpage to back it up (it's better than
NOA's, *chortle*). Fourth, make a Blast Corps sequel, and that's an
order (just kidding). Fifth, hey!!!! kiler instyint ROX!!!!!1!! Sixth,
sorry, I'll quit wasting your time. Seventh, pretend I didn't post the
last one or this one, either. Thanks you!
Incoherently yours,
Chad A. (RTQLIT@prodigy.net)
First, yeh we konw tahnxxx!!1!!1 Second, Twelve Tales: Conker 64 (Conker's
Quest having been consigned to the arse end of obscurity) should hopefully bear a marked difference to
both the titles mentioned, though we are aiming for an element of mischief to liven it up. Were the Perfect
Dark teasers obscure enough for you? Third, tahnxxx!!1!!1 Fourth, alright then. Oh, you're just kidding?
Alright, we won't. Make your mind up. Fifth, yeh we konw tahnxxx!!1!!1 Sixth and seventh, I've no idea what
you're talking about (wink, nudge).
I like your site's tongue-in-cheek humor. But that line on the Main
Menu about implausibly-endowed women posturing in the gallery...come on. Of
course real women look like Orchid or Kim Wu. I see lots of them, all the
time. Really. I do believe you've spent too much time making cuddly games
like Diddy Kong Racing and Banjo-Kazooie, thus suffering loss of perception or
reality. Animals on two legs and wearing clothes, indeed! The Killer Ladies
are much, much more realistic and....
Bdrodman@aol.com
Going to have to stop you there, old boy. You're on the verge of dissing Pipsy, and
obviously we can't be having any of that. Besides, you're clearly off your head.
You clever Scribes you!
Sabrewulf was named after your old Spectrum game! The Klobb was named after Ken Lobb.
The RCP-90 was named after the Reality Co-Processor which runs at 90 megahurtz. The AC -10 award was named after
the old RPG armor code. My question? Please tell me more useless crossovers. Wait, that's more of a request.
Ed "The Legend" Price; the--legend@juno.com
You again? You young rascal. There, look - we've named one of the lead characters in
Jet Force Gemini after part of your email address. How's that for customer satisfaction? And the
Automatic Shotgun in GoldenEye was named after Arnold Utomatic-Shotgun, a long-serving member of the
Rare canteen staff. I can't think of any more.
