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We'll even answer if we're not too busy drinking tea.
Updated completely irregularly!

Eighty days around the world,
We'll find a pot of gold,
Just sitting where the Scribes have ended...

Dear Scribes,
I've noticed an unsettling feature in Banjo-Kazooie, and I fear that this trend may parade into your future games. Tiptup and Gnawty the beaver were both in Banjo-Kazooie. Then I got to thinking. What if you put Rare characters in other games they are not supposed to be in? I've had erotic visions of Pipsy the mouse in Jet Force Gemini, and I can't quite seem to get the dang gone picture out of my head. Then I wondered if Gobi the camel would show his ugly hiner in JFG. What if you stuck any old character in any old game, just because you guys were feeling frisky? You see, I've made it my life goal to get every game that Donkey Kong (the new Donkey Kong, not that horrid piece of terd Mr. Miyamoto created), Diddy, Dixie, Kiddy, Cranky, Wrinkly, Candy, Swanky, Funky, Banjo, Conker, Tiptup, Kazooie, Timber, Loggo (the most emotionally gripping character ever concieved by mankind), Krunch, etc., is in. I won't buy any Rare game that doesn't have one of those furry little pests in it, and I was wondering, no, I was demanding for the good sake of the Lord almighty for you to announce before hand on your website that a character would make a guest appearance in a game. Maybe I just need to go take a laxative and forget the whole thing. But then of course the demons would visit me again, wouldn't they? And then I would send them after YOU.

You're determined to squeeze yourself into as many editions of Scribes as possible, aren't you, Slushy-Boy?
Thing is with all this character crossover business, the teams usually keep these little details to themselves until the last minute anyway. But basically, when a team stays together for a second game or a designer starts work on a game along similar lines as one he's done before, there's a fair chance that one or two previously established characters will crop up. Hence, for example, Gnawty in B-K (same designer as DKC), and some others that I can't mention yet...
Why is it none of you can spell 'turd'?

Dearest programmers at Rareware®,
I am slightly worried about Perfect Dark. You see, taking it as a futuristic game will lose a lot of realism, and it is realism that makes games. Look at Goldeneye, not too much blood made it realistic, and real weapons too. Everyone complains about the glitches and cheats, but it were them that kept the game going, increasing lastability.
In fact if you look at the amazing games, they were the most realistic. Goldeneye. Command & Conquer: RA anyone? Toca Touring Cars. (Well maybe not actually). Etc etc... The best realism in Goldeneye was if you shot a guard in the head he died instantly, but in Turok, Quake, etc, you've gotta shoot them millions of times, and if you use some bloody stupidly enormous gun, you can wipe out a room full of the critters in one go. Although the Rocket-Launcher could have been improved it was far better than the BFG or Fusion Cannon.
I'm really looking forward to PD, but please reassure me...
Oh and one more thing, vehicles in multiplayer would be cool. Did I say 1 more thing? I meant 2. Last thing, instead of wasting valuable cartrige space with the staff's faces, use this for other things that make more difference.
Miron Badowsky

The GoldenEye/PD designer says: "You have absolutely nothing to worry about. As far as Perfect Dark is concerned, that is."
He also says: "The extra face textures made a difference for some people. The amount of space taken up by the faces is negligible; there is really nothing that would fit in such a tiny space that would make as much difference as that."
Hey, that was good. I hardly had to write anything.

Dear Scribes,
Can you silly Brits with your crooked teeth please make Cruis'n 3?? I think it would be awesome. You can make a new game engine and stuff and have and opional Sim Mode where you get 200 cars and call this mode Gran Turismo Copy mode. Oh, and is it tea and scrumpets or tea and crumpets? Is it right ass or ripe ass..I mean arse. See ya old beans.
Rick Coan Strikes Again

Don't joke about it - you'd be surprised how many people think we were behind Cruis'n USA. And while tea and crumpets can both consitute important parts of the breakfast ritual, rarely are they taken together. Your knowledge of British cuisine is sketchy at best, sir. I don't know what the ass thing is all about.

Dear Scribes,
I am responding in anger to Crazy Albert's letter complaining about the violence found in Rare games. He blames Rare for the increase in violence and fatalities among children. But I think he is forgetting a very important exception... Killer Instinct. Although the first N64 Rare game, it stands today as the pinnacle of Rare's contributions to society. Where Banjo and Tup-Tup's havoc wreaking causes grown men to wet themselves, Killer Instinct is a suitable alternative for pre-schooler entertainment when the Teletubbies aren't on. I think we should not let such bloodfests like Twelve Tales blemish Rare's reputation for accessible, educational, and morally stimulating children's games.
Billy Rothwell

Ah, now that's true. There's nothing quite as hair-raising as Timber's demented stare or Conker's incessant hyperactive shrieking to be found in any Killer Instinct game. And there's no camel abuse either.

Dear Scribes,
I've noticed that there is quite a push from gamers for games to be released with so much gore that they deserve an 'R' rating. It is easy to see the two sides of the argument, eg. Why can't we have a realistic amount of blood in a game like Goldeneye, we are mature enough to handle it. On the other hand, why should 13 year olds be denied the brilliant gameplay of Goldeneye because it contains a lot of blood which they are not allowed to see. Without declaring censorship right or wrong, I though I might give you something to think about. I don't know exactly how this would work or the practicalities of it, but my idea was to have different rating settings within a cart. You could tell the cart what rating you wish it to have when you first turned it on and this would be saved permanently into the cart's memory. The programmers would design, say, three levels of gore, which I can't imagine would take too much memory. This way parents could set the level of gore once and they could then be safe in the knowledge that the kid would not encounter anything they shouldn't. Alternately, there could be a simple password system so the level of gore could be changed if one made a mistake. Or, you could simply sell carts with different ratings (although that would obviously mean higher production costs and retailers having to stock more, plus greater inconvenience for consumers should a shop not have the rating which they want).
Is any sort of plan like this feasible?
John Fletcher

As we've always maintained, we think we got the level of violence in GoldenEye just about right: effective without being excessive, satisfying without being objectionable. What you see is what you get. So while some variation on your idea is probably feasible (and there have been plenty of games to make use of a 'Blood On/Off' code), we don't really see the need to compromise an original design brief just to cover as many bases as possible, even those that don't really work in the circumstances (e.g. buckets of blood chucked into GoldenEye's essentially realistic stealth-based missions). It's possible, but it's also a bit of a cop-out not to choose a consistent gore setting to begin with.

Dear Scribes,
B&K is a top game, its reputation sealed for me by some of the dubious humour. A good example being the inclusion of "Admiral Browneye the dirty pirate" as one of the possible answers in Grunty's quiz. Perfectly innocent mistake or king sized innuendo who cares, this type of caper coupled with the bird's huge melons in the closing credits just goes to show that Carry On is not dead. Good work fellas.
Pete West

Oh, it was perfectly innocent, naturally. In fact we don't even know what you're talking about. Innuendo? Captain Browneye? What innuendo? What's wrong with you?
As for the melons, funnily enough innuendo was only substituted for blatant crassness in that case when Nintendo complained about the original scene. Heh heh.

Dear Scribes,
As a long-time Rare gamer, I feel obligated to give you some good advice. When you don't give us any solid information on future games, such as Donkey Kong 64, or some of the countless others you hint at, it doesn't make you endearing, it severely arses the dinkers of the world. People just don't like it when you hint cryptically at things some people make religions out of (I mean, good God, look at what little TipTup has stirred up!). So, unlike most people, I'm going to tell you exactly what you need to do to put everyone on good terms. Instead of saying, "An ape-related game is not in development. However, Snumpy-Chumpy 64 will be hitting shelves soon,", or some other sarcastic comment, say, "Donkey Kong 64 will come out sometime in the future. Co-starring will be Snumpy-Chumpy, who will later be appearing in Pansy: Little Flowers, Big Guns 64," Now see? Not only have you given us some solid information for us little elastoplasts to stew over for a good month, but you've thrown in a snide comment to boot!
Think about this. Or Snumpy-Chumpy gets it.
Ben W.

Hang on. "Donkey Kong 64 will come out sometime in the future" is classed as "solid information"? But we've been saying that for ages. Anyway, we don't see the point in announcing a game as soon as we've thought of it - there'd be no screenshots, fixed storyline or gameplay details available for months, whatever initial details we did have would probably change during development, and we'd be subjected to even more vicious hate mail should the game eventually be delayed. When we do, in fact, have some "solid information" on a game to release, we'll release it. Really.

Dear Rare people,
Personally, I prefer Well-done people, but since I'm not writing to discuss my culinary tastes, I thought I'd ask what exactly "phhrrrpp" is supposed to mean and/or represent. I noticed that it was used in a reply, and I can't say that I'm familiar with the word. If it was intended as an onomatopoeic device, I'd like to know how the heck you make that sound. "Thbpbpthpt" and "Phbbbt" are the acceptable expressions here on the Western side of the Atlantic.
Simone Parks

Maybe it's just my Welsh upbringing, but to me "phhrrrpp" seems much easier to pronounce than "thbpbpthpt" or, indeed, "phbbbt". None of those inconvenient hard 'b' sounds to disrupt the flow. Anyway, you seem to be jumping to conclusions with regard to the nature of the orifice used...

Dear Scribes,
I am in a bit of a dilemma, should I follow the usual route of messages to this forum; arselick (love the games), quibbles about Goldeneye (why can't I mutilate/open/ X), when is game X coming out (Perfect Dark/Conker 64/JFG...) or simply get straight to the point.
Ok. I have decided to get to the point.
I demand to know the names of the individuals at Rare responsible for the bloody annoying voice of TT in Diddy Kong Racing. For anyone who hasn't played this great game, TT sounds like a teenager inhaling helium and trying to speak in a high pitched voice!
"Now try and beat my time."
"No, no, no, wrong way."
Come to think of it, TT is probably the voice of the same sadistic git who designed those annoying hover fly buzzy things in Bubble Gloop Swamp and outside the summer door in Click Clock Wood.
If this accusation is true, I leave it up to Rare to suitably discipline this employee my ordering him to play Mr Nutz on the Amiga for a week!!!!

The DKR character voices were supplied by various DKR team members (and then fiddled about with by the music department, obviously). This is certainly the case for T.T.'s voice, but we think the man responsible for that one has been punished enough in recent weeks by 'accidentally' (so he says) buying the B*Witched album. Surely he doesn't deserve any more pain?

Congrats on having the best web presence of any games company EVER. And for not apologising for being British :-)
Anyway, I couldn't help but notice David Darling in News of the World a few weeks back, "lonely and looking for love". Did you find this as amusing as me? So I was wondering, as someone keen to work in the games industry, is it an industry requisite that you be unable to sustain (or, alas, even ignite) a relationship with the opposite sex in order to be successful?
If so, I suspect that there is a possible relationship between the celibacy of a company's employees, and the quality of their, er, "output". With such reckoning in mind, I propose that Rare staffers be rewarded with a slap-up, expenses-paid trip to Soho when their games ship. Hey, it would make for some interesting photos for the site, right?
Is this your secret? Are Rare's geniuses all keen onanists? And does this mean that THQ staff get laid all the time? ;-)
Nick F
PS When I saw some Rare staffers at ECTS (a few programmers, 3D artists and testers) I got all excited - like I'd just seen video game royalty. Luminaries like Dave Perry (the "Shiny" one), William Lathlam and even Ed Lomas just couldn't compete... What *is* it you do to maintain such a mystical allure?
PPS I bet you don't post this.

Au contraire, sir. Most of the Rare crew are such crazy party animals that they spend every night out and about in the local equivalent of Soho, not just one or two celebratory evenings at the end of a project. Unfortunately the local equivalent of Soho is a few square miles of fields, and we didn't want to shatter your illusions by showing you pictures of bleary-eyed Rare staff members trying out their best chat-up lines on cows.
I personally thought David Darling's article was "absolutely brilliant!!!" (and I'm sure the old school readers will know where I'm coming from there).

Dear Scribes,
After reading some of Nintendo's website, I understand Twelve Tails will not be released until 1999. Now, if I do my math right, that means you folks will have released one (count them, ONE) game in 1998. Albeit a quality game Banjo is, I had no idea your company's name described the frequency with which you completed games. Come on Rare! Give us something to work with here. At some point you've got to cut the umbilical cord and send your children out into the world to see how they'll fair. Have some faith in yourselves! Do you need a good inspirational speaker to come visit you there in Twycross or something? Let's go! 12Tails, JFG, PD, B-K2, DK. Move MOVE MOVE!
Motivationally yours,
Dave Lewis

That's just the way it's worked out. If we laid down solid rules that Game X had to come out in Month X so that there'd be a nice gap before the equally fixed release of Game Y, we'd end up with a load of below-average and/or half-finished games. Then, of course, our reputation would nosedive and nobody would care less whether our games came out for Xmas or not. You're right, we can't hold them back forever, and we don't try to - just until we're satisfied that they're not going to disappoint.
We do realise that our '99 schedule is pretty unbalanced compared to the '98 situation, but there's not a lot we can do about that now. Other than delay loads of games into 2000. Would you like that, sir? Would you? Would you like that?

Dear Scribes,
The Corrs: You know 'em, lead singer or the drummer. Who's the best?? It just has to be the singer in my opinion, I'm just finding out what everyone else thinks.
Ask around at work and tell me the results, unless you've got anything better to do like write the mutt's nuts of games (if you are then release the b*st*rds sharpish, I'm impatient).

A spot of fairly diverse polling has resulted in a narrow victory for the singer, which is fine by me. Surprisingly, no votes for the drummer, but quite a few for the violinist with the funny nose.
You see, we're easily manipulated when you know how. Stupid questions about our games: no chance. Stupid questions about anything else: you're on.

Dear sirs and knightly developers across the pond,
My friends and I play Goldeneye multiplayer consistently and we wish oh so much to have more levels available in four player mode. All reasons for these functions to not be available in Goldeneye seem to point at slow frame rates and severe lagging of the system. But if one were to install the RAM expansion coming out in November, would the speed be increased enough to allow for these levels to be playable in multiplayer? I suppose that someone would have to incorporate that into a GameShark or some other hacking device, or in the N64 DD or something. So, basically my question is: How will the RAM expansion affect Goldeneye's multiplayer mode? Could more levels be playable if they could somehow be accessed for multiplayer mode with the upgrade?
Sincerely and hoping to kill old friends in new ways,
Ryan Sturt "Janus Special Forces"
P.S. I hope Perfect Dark's multiplayer will be able to keep score over time and between multiple matches. You could just tally up kills and suicides and deaths and score the "Characters". So if someone were to always pick the same character he or she could get a good idea of their score/average gameplay. That would be fun!

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I roped in the designer to answer this one for me:
"Installing a RAM upgrade will not make any difference to the GoldenEye cartridge. The cartridge is not set up in such a way that it will use the extra memory. You could use a Gameshark to try and alter this. And then complain to the makers of the Gameshark when it fails to work. This would please me greatly."
He was rather less vocal on the subject of multiplayer, simply stating: "We have a lot of plans for the multiplayer section of Perfect Dark." Expect good things.

Dear Scribes,
I just wanted to say that I think it is really unfair that you have a contest with rules (25 words or less) then you go and give the prizes to people that did well over this limit.
I spent a long time trying to come up with something that fit the rules and I don't see why you didn't make this a prerequisite in picking the winner.
Marian Taylor

I know. I know. Sorry. But to be fair, most of the entries were pants anyway before the 25-word limit even came into it, which meant that if we had ultimately stuck to our guns, the compo results would have been a travesty. Still, we know better next time. Foolproof ideas for future competitions gratefully received.

Dear Scribes,
Hello again. I'm writing in to pester you about a few things. Now now, I'll get to the actual game pestering in a minute, but I first must pester you about this. I was reading the Rare Life page, and under DKC3 Programmer, I read this:
"Forget those earlier contributions to music, graphics, and - God forbid - game design. I mean, look at those early Spectrum games. Matthew Smith didn't have a bloody clue..."
As you obviously know (or don't), my name is Matthew Smith. I assume that your DKC3 programmer is just one of my many worshippers who will bend to my every command until I take my place as the rightful ruler of the world, but then I started to get some nasty stalking thoughts in my head, and came up with a better solution as to why my name was one your site: you were mocking me. I must have sent in a letter to Scribes, and you must have shown that nutty programmer my letter, which must have made him all p*ssed off at me, so he in turn mocks me. Well, thanks for putting my name on your site.
Now for the games. As you keen fellers at Rare know, Turok 2 is shaping up to be one bad MOTHA of a game. What with the high-res graphics, and 4MB Expansion Pak use and all. My question is, what are you doing to top Turok 2? May I suggest co-op? Well, that's all for now.
Matthew Smith
P.S.: "Arsed" means "to arse".

Heartened and inspired by your letter, we've abandoned Perfect Dark completely and started work on Jet Set Jimmy, a new Bond game with Pierce Brosnan infiltrating the vast mansion of his new arch-enemy, Maria the housekeeper.
How do you get past the Solar Power Generator, anyway?
(If, as I suspect, only a fraction of you know what I'm on about, you may or not be interested to learn that Matthew Smith was the man behind the early 80s Spectrum classics
Manic Miner and Jet Set Willy. Our DKC3 programmer was being ironic: these, worryingly, are the games that shaped the childhood of many a Rare staffer...)

Dear Scribesman,
I hate those stupid ads you have on TV for your games. They deserve better! So, I have come up with a commercial for Banjo & GoldenEye... all in one!!!!!
First, the 007 theme music plays while that little sniper rifle thingamagingabob borders the screen. Then, Banjo slowly walks out into the middle of the screen. He reaches the middle of the screen, turns to you, and ducks. Kazooie pops out and shoots an egg at the camera. The egg hits, and instead of the blood flowing down the screen, yellow egg yolk does.
Voice of Banjo: Tha nayme's Baynjoh... Baynjoh Kahzoooie.
Kazooie: SQUAWK!
Heeheeeheee! Funny huh? It sure beats the er... junk out of that DKR ad. I mean, come on, a stupid little speedometer goes higher and higher until it breaks. Then, about one second of game footage is shown! I HATE IT! IT STINKS! THE STUPID LITTLE THING GOES HIGHER AND HIGHER UNTIL IT POPS! I'M COMING DOWN TO YOUR MARKETING DEPARTMENT AND DOING WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE A LONG TIME AGO!!!!! Oops... medicine time.

That's not a bad idea. Unfortunately we don't have a 'marketing department' and we don't have anything to do with Nintendo's advertising campaigns either, so your entire letter is one big protracted bark up the Tree of Archetypal Wrongness. Sorry.

Dear Scribes,
I was just reading your reply to the question about TipTup and I noticed that your answer involved a turtle being dropped from a great height by an eagle. My question is, did you get that from Small Gods by Terry Pratchett? That is the best Pratchett book I've read so far. One thing, does that mean TipTup is really a god in the form of a turtle? It makes so much sense. Now I know where he gets that impossibly annoying voice. It's supernatural!!! (you see, I'm an American, so that no one I know actually reads Pratchett).

I didn't copy nuttin'! That's what eagles do, or some big bird of prey, anyway. They drop turtles onto rocks to smash the buggers open. It's true! That's how Aeschylus was killed - right kids?
Small Gods was nowhere near as good as Mort. Or Sourcery. Or Guards! Guards! Or...

Dear Scribes,
Here's a little snapshot of your guys trying to make a move on me. They didn't quite make it, but Banjo was really tough to beat.
Daniel Hauck

Yeah - I tend to use a cricket bat (arf arf).
Cheers for the pic, though. Anyone else out there staged a ridiculous Rare-related photo shoot they'd like to show off to the world?

Dear Scribes,
With reference to the letter from Randall Mourning on the lack of gore present in Goldeneye I would like to comment by adding to the wording of the following proverb as follows: "Sticks and stones (and bullets) may break my bones (and inflict significant and possibly fatal organ damage) but mines (and rockets but probably not grenades unless I lie on one) will spread my constituent parts over the surrounding area". Replies please on a postcard.
Paul Ladle

Is that a vote for or against? It's so hard to tell first thing on a Monday morning.

Dear Scribes,
To Mr Ravi Hiranand - a rebuttal that American games rule!
So you think American games suck huh? So you think they are all based on that one brilliant game idea huh? Well here's something for you to listen to Mr Ravi Hiranand: AMERICAN GAMES RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where does that brilliant game idea come from? THE US! Brilliant ideas such as Quake, NFL Blitz, Clayfighter, San Francisco Rush and Cruisn' USA....and what about Twisted Metal? Let's see Diddy Kong Racing match up to that!
You think foreign games are so hot because they strive to be different? Now look at Capcom.....They pretty much add a new word to the end of the title and POW! There's another Street-Fighter game. You think Squaresoft is so cool because they make sophisticated RPG's.....Well let me tell you something it's just the same old game with different FMV. Oh, Rare is so cool because they don't hype games. Well Rare's euro-crap is an excuse for more un-original Mario clones. So before you say what sucks and what does not, think that all game developers make stupid mistakes once in a while and even though the game isn't original the most important thing is that the game is fun. Something foreign developers are beginning to forget.
What are you going to do about this response? Are you going to send the French mafia after me? With their white guns covered with lace? Sipping wine? Oh, I'm so scared!

I'm not sure the rest of the sane world would agree with you on some of those "brilliant ideas" you quote. Still, I'd be inclined to sympathise with some of your arguments... if only you hadn't expressed them all in such a mindlessly superficial way. Think about what you're saying next time, because at the moment you're just feeding ammunition to those you're trying to put down.

Dear Scribes,
Stop it! Stop it now! Quit arguing about which country is better! Do you people honestly think that where you come from determines how good the games will be? Yes, Rare is one of the greatest developers ever. It just so happens they're from England. Nintendo follows a close second, but everyone forgot to notice that the U.S. market, along with all the other countries, is greatly affected by Nintendo's success in Japan. Why are U.S. games hyped so much? You got sites like IGN64 (based in California) on the web. I, being in the U.S. (and living 40 minutes away from Nintendo), am not a whiny person. I don't complain every sentence (this letter is called an opinion), and I don't crave blood and flying limbs. While on that topic, how can you consider exploding body parts realistic? Oh boy, shot in the arm. Think I'll explode now. No, that's not how it works. You've seen too many horror films. Where was I? Ah, yes. Just remember not to give Mr. Pants a wedgy. He'll haunt you the rest of your days.

Hmmm. Basically sensible entries to two arguments in one letter. Unusual. So you're saying that the country of origin has no bearing whatsoever on the state of the final product - but obviously not everyone else agrees. The question remains: does the ratio of good to bad games being produced remain equal from country to country? And does the situation vary on a single/multiformat basis? Or what? Eh? Do you even care?

Now then, let's see what responses we've had to the ongoing Tiptup debate this month...

Everyone is begging Rare for a Tiptup game. You idiots need to stop sniffing paint, and give the people what they want. Did we ask for Perfect Dark? NO! But it has the Goldeneye engine right? WRONG! Sure it has the engine, but the point is, it's not the same without Bond. Tiptup, Bond, getting a picture? You're too blind to see. We keep giving great ideas, and it gets lost somewhere up your butt. Sorry for dissing you, but I had to give someone a wake up call. Why don't you make Tiptup an agent, side by side with Timber? Out to rescue Diddy or something. I've written you and Tusk plenny of times but neva saw my letter posted up. I know what people want and what I want. And that is Tiptup.
Ice Cream Man

Dear Scribes,
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT TIPTUP! The Explanation to why everybody loves TipTup dates back as far as the prehistoric days. Primitive Cave People would use the turtle's dinosaur ancestor as Simple Household Devices like Water Faucets and Footstools. Now picture the late '80's. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Fever has infested a nation (not unlike the Pokémon Invasion happening Across the World). Everyone at least owns one, ensuring an instant love of Turtles everywhere.
Now Picture Diddy Kong Racing's Release. Everyone Rushes to EB, Toys-R-Us, and Wal-Mart to buy the game to see one thing:
The Game's Similarities to Mario Kart. No.
The Ingenious Track Design and Lush Graphics. No.
To See the Famous Hero Diddy Kong and Future Hero, Banjo. No.
The Answer is to see TipTup. You know it, I know it, The whole world knows it.
He's the fastest character, next to that freak, Pipsy, and he's pretty funny-looking. Me and many of my friends have created the "New TipTup Order". You should all pledge allegence to TipTup. Make your own chapters of the "New TipTup Order" with your turtle-loving friends.
Thank You,
Rollie "KillDiddy" Pemberton

I think I got the answer to your question about what makes Tip Tup such a favourite: he reminds a lot of people of the one and only original KOOPA TROOPA. And that's why we need a Mario Kart 2 developed by Rare including Koopa Troopa excluding Wario. And if Nintendo is doing the sequel themselves they should at least hire your DKR-team for support. Because Mario Kart 64 wasn't really the Super Mario Kart sequel I was hoping for.
Roger Beckers, The Netherlands

Dear Scribes,
Teenage Mutant Ninja Tip Tup!!! Turtle Power (No, not girl power, which is where the Spice Girls got it from)!!! Tip Tup should be Rare's mascot and be featured in every game. He could be a secret character in Perfect Dark. Also, you could make him in the opening sequence of your games like the Iguana for Iguana's games like on Turok. That would be cool. But, instead there could be this Hedgehog and Bandicoot checking each other out at a tree and right before they kiss each other, Tip Tup fires at them with everything he's got, which is a turtle shell! It'd be like Mario kicking a Koopa shell, only TipTup shooting his own shell at them. Then they'd die and that would be cool. Oh my God, they killed Sonic! Bwa ha ha!

Dear Scribes,
It's Mr. Pants that deserves his own game, not Tiptup. Think about it: Tiptup is slow and witless. Mr. Pants, on the other hand, is provocative, scantily-clad, and easy to draw. Anyways, I have bought and enjoyed Goldeneye 007, but, try as I have, I am unable to find Goldeneye 001-006. What shall I do?
Chad Acosta

I'll tell you why Tip Tup is so popular, it's because he's an idiot. Now you tell me how many idiot computer game heroes are out there. Hardly any! The majority of them either have bulging biceps or bulging breasts, not the brain capacity of a lemming. Another reason why he is so cool is that he is such a realistic hero. There tend to be more idiots outside than bouncy women period. Well anyway if Tip Tup doesn't get his own game at least make sure he gets a cameo in either Banjo-Tooie (heh) or Perfect Dark.
From an Aussie that doesn't eat beans or has a pet kangaroo,

So there you go. A wide variety of opinions, some of which, inevitably, make more sense than others. I'll make sure the old DKR team are aware of the monster they've created - whether or not this will prompt a triumphant return for Tiptup remains to be seen...

If you could escape from Nintendo's massive arse would you consider developing for SEGA - i.e. Dreamcast or would that turn your Golden Handshake brown?

Nintendo's massive arse is nice and warm at the moment, thanks.

Why does Banjo go "Gahuh"? Is this French for "Uh-huh," or what?!
Michael Pelensky

If only he were that cultured...

Did you realise "rare ware" means "strange goods" in Dutch? (Actually, it's rare waren, but most Dutch people don't pronounce the n at the end of a word, anyway).
Caspar van der Heiden

That's weird, because it means "soiled pants" in Welsh. Maybe.

My friend thinks that Banjo is gay because of his shorts. Is he really?
Fedja Kecman

Are you referring to their colour or dubious skin-tight nature?

It's amazing how much half-arsed British culture you can learn from the Scribes page. No, wait, it's sad, really. Never mind.
Nicholas Killewald

Hey - we might not be funny, but at least we're educational.

Just want to know in the first ending on Banjo-Kazooie, why is Mumbo BBQing Banjo's goldfish alive?
J Dean

Sssshh! You didn't see that.

What is the deal with WWF War Zone every time I start a match other wrestlers get involved.
Autin 3:16 Forever

I think that's supposed to happen. Oddly enough, I'm not sure.

Is it true that in Japan, Banjo-Kazooie is known as Super Rural Twang Device with Vibration Flute?
Bennett Darrow-Chicago

No, it's called Calm Down, Mr. Formby.

I like Rubee. I think.

I'm afraid he's more into animals.

October 7, 1998
September 25, 1998
August 28, 1998
July 24, 1998
June 23, 1998
June 2, 1998

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