Go on then, tell us what's on your mind...
We may even respond
from our mock-Tudor love grotto.
Updated aggravatingly infrequently!

Christmas Scribes,
Mistletoe and bad vibes,
RPAs and Mr. Pants jibes...

DECEMBER 22, 2000

'Twas The Night Before Chrimbo...

'Twas the night before Chrimbo, when all through the hole,
Not a creature was stirring, not even the mole.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Mumbo soon would be there;

The witches were nestled all snug in their lairs,
with visions of fighting off birds and bears;
The lazy oaf in the bed, and I in my sack,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the pack to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my annoyance should appear?
That shaman and eight jinjo-reindeer.

"Presents! Score!" was my first thought,
Then I wondered, "Was I ever caught?"
He was so close I could hear him holler,
And shout, calling the jinjos by colour;

"Now, BLUE!! now, RED! now, WHITE! and GREEN!
To the top of the fence! to the top of the cliff
Now dash away! dash away! dash away quick!"

"What the hell is breen?" I asked out loud,
My only answer was in the cloud
Up to the roof, the jinjos flew
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Mumbo, too.

And then the twinklies, I heard from the roof
Get smashed and crumbled by shaman-goof.
I clenched my beak, ready to kill
It took me seven hours to decorate the hill!

In slipped the shaman, calm as could be,
Matched my cold stare with a simple, "Sorry."
And the bundle of toys he slung on his shoulder,
was full of Nintendo Collectables, and things much older.

His eyes sunken deep, a stupid looking mask
And he wore a little hat, why? I didn't ask.
His toothy jaw opened like the hinge of a door
and he downed all the cookies and asked for some more!

"Oi, the nerve..." I mumbled a bit, but I
Gave him more sweets, and the evil-eye.
"Make with the presents," I said after an hour.
"Don't you have other houses to scour?"

"Bear and Bird only house on block,"
He replied, "Mumbo have three hours, by your clock."
I scowled a bit, and returned to my slumber
while the shaman chopped up another cucumber.

After the fridge was cleared, Mumbo got up to leave
And I wrote a shopping list over which to grieve
He left the best gift under the tree
None other than a Beta Lock-On BT

Up the chimney he dashed without another sound
"When I see you again, your head I will pound!"
I wanted to shout, though I knew it wasn't right
So instead I said: "HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL,